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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
A growing boy
We ran into some problems with sleep over the last two weeks. Meaning he wouldn't sleep very long during the day instead opting to scream for half an hour at a time then staring at me with accusing eyes as if I could fix his ills. With a little coaxing and a weekend of letting him sleep on my chest we got him more normal again. Oh and letting him sleep how he wanted, on his stomach helped.
Before you go to the comments section and burn me in Hades let me first say I avoided it as long as I could because I do read all the stats and know that babies should sleep on their backs. He won't. Not for any length of time anyway. We also got an Apnea sleep alarm from a friend who no longer needed it. The thing gives off a very loud alarm if he stops moving for more than 30 seconds and he's also been moved into our room in his bassinet. Is it the best of all worlds? No but he's sleeping and so are we. I've not told our Ped yet about this solution because I'm more than a little afraid she'll yell at me but he was so miserable that I had to let him do what was natural for him.
It also helped that I had several very smart and wonderful mom's tell me their kids did the same thing and that you can't train a baby this small to not want to sleep how they want to sleep.
There is also a Measles outbreak here. Lovely. More lovely because 2 of the kids who have it are pretty much neighbors and we also found out by accident the Index Child lived in the apartment where my parents live now. Like, 2 doors down. So now Jason and I are working it out so we aren't taking Kyle to crowded public places to avoid, hopefully, him getting sick.
He's sleeping in my lap now. I've found I have to get up at 6:30 to shower before he wakes up then I can dress, change and feed him and keep my fingers crossed he'll drift off again. When he does into his swing he goes so I can dress and do my hair. After that it's 50/50 he'll wake up again and need mommy. I hate 6:30 but it's the only way I can get everything done and ensure I don't have to wake J up to take care of him because he won't drift back off so I can shower or dress.
If he keeps up being a nice sleeping baby the rest of the week next week we'll start working on putting him down before he goes out all the way so he'll learn to sleep on his own. Right now my strategy is to prop him on the boppy for feedings so he won't be in my arms rocking or doing our little bounce as he drifts off. This would only be during the day. At night it's too damn important to get him sleeping to start screwing with it. God willing he'll get it.
As for sleeping through the night, right now we're just hoping he'll sleep longer than 2 hours with constancy. Oh we can get 2.5 or 3 out of him, but it's never at night when mom and dad are trying to sleep. It's always mid evening. Though I can't hate it too much because that means I get to make dinner. The thing is almost every time he wakes after midnight he feeds for an ounce or less and falls back to sleep. Hell he's falling back to sleep as he's getting changed or just after you put the bottle in his mouth. He wants to sleep through. He doesn't need the extra feeds as much. He just doesn't know how yet.
I may be looking for a new place to host my blog. Blogger is wonderful but I want to keep my more personal blogs separate from my political and more impersonal ones. Not sure what where I'd go or what I'd do though.
PS Yay me! I only had 5 words spelled wrong in this post and one of them was just because I can't type well ;)
Before you go to the comments section and burn me in Hades let me first say I avoided it as long as I could because I do read all the stats and know that babies should sleep on their backs. He won't. Not for any length of time anyway. We also got an Apnea sleep alarm from a friend who no longer needed it. The thing gives off a very loud alarm if he stops moving for more than 30 seconds and he's also been moved into our room in his bassinet. Is it the best of all worlds? No but he's sleeping and so are we. I've not told our Ped yet about this solution because I'm more than a little afraid she'll yell at me but he was so miserable that I had to let him do what was natural for him.
It also helped that I had several very smart and wonderful mom's tell me their kids did the same thing and that you can't train a baby this small to not want to sleep how they want to sleep.
There is also a Measles outbreak here. Lovely. More lovely because 2 of the kids who have it are pretty much neighbors and we also found out by accident the Index Child lived in the apartment where my parents live now. Like, 2 doors down. So now Jason and I are working it out so we aren't taking Kyle to crowded public places to avoid, hopefully, him getting sick.
He's sleeping in my lap now. I've found I have to get up at 6:30 to shower before he wakes up then I can dress, change and feed him and keep my fingers crossed he'll drift off again. When he does into his swing he goes so I can dress and do my hair. After that it's 50/50 he'll wake up again and need mommy. I hate 6:30 but it's the only way I can get everything done and ensure I don't have to wake J up to take care of him because he won't drift back off so I can shower or dress.
If he keeps up being a nice sleeping baby the rest of the week next week we'll start working on putting him down before he goes out all the way so he'll learn to sleep on his own. Right now my strategy is to prop him on the boppy for feedings so he won't be in my arms rocking or doing our little bounce as he drifts off. This would only be during the day. At night it's too damn important to get him sleeping to start screwing with it. God willing he'll get it.
As for sleeping through the night, right now we're just hoping he'll sleep longer than 2 hours with constancy. Oh we can get 2.5 or 3 out of him, but it's never at night when mom and dad are trying to sleep. It's always mid evening. Though I can't hate it too much because that means I get to make dinner. The thing is almost every time he wakes after midnight he feeds for an ounce or less and falls back to sleep. Hell he's falling back to sleep as he's getting changed or just after you put the bottle in his mouth. He wants to sleep through. He doesn't need the extra feeds as much. He just doesn't know how yet.
I may be looking for a new place to host my blog. Blogger is wonderful but I want to keep my more personal blogs separate from my political and more impersonal ones. Not sure what where I'd go or what I'd do though.
PS Yay me! I only had 5 words spelled wrong in this post and one of them was just because I can't type well ;)
Monday, April 14, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
5 Weeks
Today he's 5 weeks old and I swear he's growing up too fast. His head, so tiny at birth, fits snugly into his head rest in his car seat now. The receiving blankets he used at birth are almost too small now.
Last week he began to coo and try to talk to you. Now granted he does it right before he starts to scream but it seems like he's trying to tell you what is wrong before a melt down.
Oh and melt downs we've had. Last week was rough as he had to get used to mommy and daddy both being gone all day long at work. He spent a good deal of the week awake and crying at my mom and dad. Hopefully today's sleeping and smiling bodes well for that adjustment. In fact I'm very surprised he is sleeping so well today because this was the day we stopped letting him sleep in a bouncer or swing at nap time. So he's next to me on the couch snoring happily to my great delight.
While he sleeps I'm watching The Deadliest Catch. I don't think I want to eat fish or crab ever again. Seeing them as they get pulled out of the sea seems to make me sad for them. I'm far too sentimental so I suppose that's a good time to scrapbook some.
Last week he began to coo and try to talk to you. Now granted he does it right before he starts to scream but it seems like he's trying to tell you what is wrong before a melt down.
Oh and melt downs we've had. Last week was rough as he had to get used to mommy and daddy both being gone all day long at work. He spent a good deal of the week awake and crying at my mom and dad. Hopefully today's sleeping and smiling bodes well for that adjustment. In fact I'm very surprised he is sleeping so well today because this was the day we stopped letting him sleep in a bouncer or swing at nap time. So he's next to me on the couch snoring happily to my great delight.
While he sleeps I'm watching The Deadliest Catch. I don't think I want to eat fish or crab ever again. Seeing them as they get pulled out of the sea seems to make me sad for them. I'm far too sentimental so I suppose that's a good time to scrapbook some.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I told you she was good
So the doctor looked Kyle over today to give him her clean bill of health. She and I also spoke about Children's and she pretty much told me what I'd thought. They are so used to seeing uninvolved and uneducated parents they have a formula. They also probably would have called CPS on us had we taken him to our regular hospital AMA. We are under order to always go to our normal hospital because once the see he'll need more than regular type ER care they call her and she gives the orders. She also comes to the hospital to take care of her patients.
In other news we're seeing sleep patterns in him. He cranks between 8 and 12 am. Also from 5ish to 12 am he won't sleep in a deep sleep. Also 2am to 4 am he's not a happy boy. Speaking of have to rescue daddy.
In other news we're seeing sleep patterns in him. He cranks between 8 and 12 am. Also from 5ish to 12 am he won't sleep in a deep sleep. Also 2am to 4 am he's not a happy boy. Speaking of have to rescue daddy.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Three Weeks Old
He's three weeks old and already he's changing so much. His cheeks have filled out and become chubby and round. The hair on his head is darker and I swear it's growing already. I've watched as the clothes he had that were too big are now fitting better as he's gained over a pound and grown 2 inches in a short time.
And we are learning likes and dislikes with each other. He likes having his back thumped like he's getting burped while over your shoulder. He falls asleep like that. We've learned what he sounds like when he's waking up versus just squeaking in his sleep. And he's found out he likes to swing in his swing. And we already knew that to get you to sleep you had to be in a bouncie.
We've had our first health crisis and you've helped me figure out what I want to do about some people in my life. The cats like the new family member and he seems to enjoy watching them when he can see them.
I'm amazed at how strong his neck is already and the nurses and doctors have all been amazed at how strong his legs and arms are when they try and straighten them out. And daddy is extremely proud of how much he eats, almost 4 oz!, and at how many times a day he poops or pees.
I'm starting to see the new born melt away some and be replaced by baby and even though I'm tired and sometimes I want to cry when I pull myself out of bed when he cries I wouldn't rush through these days for all the sleep in the world.
And we are learning likes and dislikes with each other. He likes having his back thumped like he's getting burped while over your shoulder. He falls asleep like that. We've learned what he sounds like when he's waking up versus just squeaking in his sleep. And he's found out he likes to swing in his swing. And we already knew that to get you to sleep you had to be in a bouncie.
We've had our first health crisis and you've helped me figure out what I want to do about some people in my life. The cats like the new family member and he seems to enjoy watching them when he can see them.
I'm amazed at how strong his neck is already and the nurses and doctors have all been amazed at how strong his legs and arms are when they try and straighten them out. And daddy is extremely proud of how much he eats, almost 4 oz!, and at how many times a day he poops or pees.
I'm starting to see the new born melt away some and be replaced by baby and even though I'm tired and sometimes I want to cry when I pull myself out of bed when he cries I wouldn't rush through these days for all the sleep in the world.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
What pissed me off
We are home with a clean bill of health. Apparently it's not uncommon for babies his age to run a fever then have it break with no reason to be found. His little hand is still swollen because of the tape that held his IV but he doesn't care now that he discovered he can suck that hand again. He's been rubbing it on his mouth in his sleep for an hour now.
The happy part out of the way I want to vent a little about the first two doctors we dealt with.
In the ER the doctor we had came in the room and asked some questions then told out that with his age, less than 56 days, and the fever being over 100.4 they would do a full blood work up then a Lumbar Puncture (spinal tap) and he'd be admitted for 48 hours on IV antibiotics while the tests were being done. There was no discussion period. I felt trapped and when I pushed for solid answers about the treatment the answer I got was it was protocol. There was no explanation nor was there much sympathy to two scared first time parents.
When I voiced that I was not comfortable with the LP because it left him open to infection the doctor just shrugged and stated they did it under sterile circumstances and said nothing else. As if I didn't know that they wouldn't do it with a rusty spike in the parking lot. Nor did they tell us the risks of the procedure.
When I also stated I wasn't happy to have him given antibiotics with no concrete proof because I feel they are given too freely and I feel it's best to avoid them unless they are 100% needed I was again given the protocol explanation. Nothing at all was given to back up the protocol except that they've found this is needed over years of treating children and that this was standard in the US.
We were given the option of AMA but I felt if we did that the hospital might have a social worker follow up. So I went along with it because I felt there was no real choice.
The doctor on the floor also gave the same song and dance then an hour after he was admitted his nurses showed up with a third antibiotic and monitor. When I pushed to know what it was for after again stating I wasn't happy with the meds in the first place the nurses couldn't give me more information though they did offer to not start the meds until I could speak with the doctor. Well given the doctor hadn't talked to me at all about the meds before they were ordered I wasn't confident speaking with her would do anything at all to alive my concerns.
What they could tell me was that one of his LP stains came back and indicated there might be a bacterial infection. The nurses rushed to assure us that this was almost for sure because of the skin puncture messing with the results but that the doctor wanted the third med until they could be sure.
By now I was pissed. Of course I was scared of my son and I did have a few good cries looking at his little arm immobilized and how tiny he looked in the bed. But I was pissed because I didn't know what was going on with my son and I didn't feel like there was any partnership, the buzz word hospitals like to use now, with his care. I was pissed because I didn't feel like Jason or I had any say in what was happening with our son.
That changed the following morning when his doctor came in to talk to us. Because our regular doctor has no privileges at Children's we were given a staff attending. He was wonderful. He explained why the three meds and what they were being give for unlike the other two docs. He told me about the studies that lead to this protocol and then went on to say 2 or 3 babies a week were admitted just like Kyle and that under 10% had any problem but then he gave a good run down of the why they treat it so serious. I finally felt like there were answers to what was being done and why we were there.
Most of all I felt like he too us serious and took my questions serious. I felt much, much better about subjecting Kyle to what had been done to him when he left. Even more because he made sure he called our doctor to let her know what was going on instead of trusting it to dictation. In the end I it changed my opnion of Children's and how they worked with parents.
The happy part out of the way I want to vent a little about the first two doctors we dealt with.
In the ER the doctor we had came in the room and asked some questions then told out that with his age, less than 56 days, and the fever being over 100.4 they would do a full blood work up then a Lumbar Puncture (spinal tap) and he'd be admitted for 48 hours on IV antibiotics while the tests were being done. There was no discussion period. I felt trapped and when I pushed for solid answers about the treatment the answer I got was it was protocol. There was no explanation nor was there much sympathy to two scared first time parents.
When I voiced that I was not comfortable with the LP because it left him open to infection the doctor just shrugged and stated they did it under sterile circumstances and said nothing else. As if I didn't know that they wouldn't do it with a rusty spike in the parking lot. Nor did they tell us the risks of the procedure.
When I also stated I wasn't happy to have him given antibiotics with no concrete proof because I feel they are given too freely and I feel it's best to avoid them unless they are 100% needed I was again given the protocol explanation. Nothing at all was given to back up the protocol except that they've found this is needed over years of treating children and that this was standard in the US.
We were given the option of AMA but I felt if we did that the hospital might have a social worker follow up. So I went along with it because I felt there was no real choice.
The doctor on the floor also gave the same song and dance then an hour after he was admitted his nurses showed up with a third antibiotic and monitor. When I pushed to know what it was for after again stating I wasn't happy with the meds in the first place the nurses couldn't give me more information though they did offer to not start the meds until I could speak with the doctor. Well given the doctor hadn't talked to me at all about the meds before they were ordered I wasn't confident speaking with her would do anything at all to alive my concerns.
What they could tell me was that one of his LP stains came back and indicated there might be a bacterial infection. The nurses rushed to assure us that this was almost for sure because of the skin puncture messing with the results but that the doctor wanted the third med until they could be sure.
By now I was pissed. Of course I was scared of my son and I did have a few good cries looking at his little arm immobilized and how tiny he looked in the bed. But I was pissed because I didn't know what was going on with my son and I didn't feel like there was any partnership, the buzz word hospitals like to use now, with his care. I was pissed because I didn't feel like Jason or I had any say in what was happening with our son.
That changed the following morning when his doctor came in to talk to us. Because our regular doctor has no privileges at Children's we were given a staff attending. He was wonderful. He explained why the three meds and what they were being give for unlike the other two docs. He told me about the studies that lead to this protocol and then went on to say 2 or 3 babies a week were admitted just like Kyle and that under 10% had any problem but then he gave a good run down of the why they treat it so serious. I finally felt like there were answers to what was being done and why we were there.
Most of all I felt like he too us serious and took my questions serious. I felt much, much better about subjecting Kyle to what had been done to him when he left. Even more because he made sure he called our doctor to let her know what was going on instead of trusting it to dictation. In the end I it changed my opnion of Children's and how they worked with parents.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Part two
The doctor came in to talk to us about half an hour ago.
First off he explained better the protocol for keeping him and the why's of the third antibiotic. I'm feeling much better about it now. He also let us know that so far all his cultures are coming back negative and that he fully expects that Kyle is just fine.
According to him he'll discharge us as soon as the 48 hour mark hits no matter the time so we'll be leaving tomorrow night.
On the plus side Kyle been sleeping well in his hospital crib so both Jason and I are excited about that.
Oh and they are impressed with his peeing power
First off he explained better the protocol for keeping him and the why's of the third antibiotic. I'm feeling much better about it now. He also let us know that so far all his cultures are coming back negative and that he fully expects that Kyle is just fine.
According to him he'll discharge us as soon as the 48 hour mark hits no matter the time so we'll be leaving tomorrow night.
On the plus side Kyle been sleeping well in his hospital crib so both Jason and I are excited about that.
Oh and they are impressed with his peeing power
This will be a scary weekend
This isn't one of those gushing mommy bragging notes. Thursday Jason and I began to deal with the first health crisis of Kyle's life. Around 7 am Kyle woke up and began fussing. Now every baby fusses but this was very un Kyle like behavior. He would wake out of a sleep, or half wake, after 30 to 40 minutes of sleeping to cry. Not the quiet I'm not happy cry but a loud squall that would quiet if he was giggled or rocked after a few moments.
Around 10am I changed his diaper and noticed that he felt hot so I took at temperature with an ear thermometer. It was 101.4. I was a little concerned but he was wrapped in a good deal of blankets and had warm jammies on. So I swapped his clothes for a larger onsie *Nightmare before Christmas natch* and put him in just one blanket. He seemed to settle a little so Jason took over so I could run to the grocery store.
Around 3 pm he still felt warm and my mom told me I should call his doctor. She wasn't in the office but a nurse told me to check his temp again using the rectal thermometer. Jason looked like he might cry over the idea of something going up Kyle's butt but it's what we had to do. It was 100.8.
The nurse told us to go to the ER, and told us she'd like us to go to Children's over Waukesha Memorial.
We were taken in quickly and within moments of meeting the doctor we were informed that with babies under 56 days old they did blood tests, which I had expected, and a spinal tap. That warned me that something more was going on, or could be. He also told us that until all his cultures came back they would admit Kyle to the hospital, this would be 48 hours.
I was not happy. His temp was normal at their exam and I did not want my son subjected to unnecessary procedures, ie; the spinal tap. I also did not want him on antibiotics, the reason for the admittance, unless there was something that indicated that there was reason. But the doctor was instant that this is how it's handled and while we could have taken him home AMA, I did not want to risk his health or a CPS visit.
So here we are in Children's. Thankfully this is one of the best hospitals for little ones in the US and the best in the midwest.
His blood tests so far look normal, his cell count in his spinal tap as well. So far there is nothing to indicate that he has an infection. However an early stain of his spinal fluid indicated a bacterial issue. The nurses assured us that could very well be because his skin infected the sample they stained and that this was only a first run test.
Sadly he's on three antibiotics, all administered via IV as well as a monitor to check his pulse and his blood ox. His poor little arm is immobilized and it's the one he likes to suck. It's hard to hold him with his tubes and wires. Also we've not gotten him to sleep at all in his crib and the hospital won't allow co-sleeping, not that we'd want to with his IV, and they really don't want to have him sleep in a bouncie.
Right now it's a waiting game. Hopefully once all his tests come back clear on Saturday they'll do a late (after 8) release so we can take him home. Otherwise we have to wait until Sunday morning.
I do have to say I'm not happy with the idea he's on all these antibiotics when other than a fever 13 or more hours ago nor am I happy that they are running such invasive tests on him. Also I feel as if the doctors aren't really hearing what I'm saying and just following the CYA procedures.
On the bright side, at the end of this if he actually sleeps in his crib well then I suppose all was not lost.
Around 10am I changed his diaper and noticed that he felt hot so I took at temperature with an ear thermometer. It was 101.4. I was a little concerned but he was wrapped in a good deal of blankets and had warm jammies on. So I swapped his clothes for a larger onsie *Nightmare before Christmas natch* and put him in just one blanket. He seemed to settle a little so Jason took over so I could run to the grocery store.
Around 3 pm he still felt warm and my mom told me I should call his doctor. She wasn't in the office but a nurse told me to check his temp again using the rectal thermometer. Jason looked like he might cry over the idea of something going up Kyle's butt but it's what we had to do. It was 100.8.
The nurse told us to go to the ER, and told us she'd like us to go to Children's over Waukesha Memorial.
We were taken in quickly and within moments of meeting the doctor we were informed that with babies under 56 days old they did blood tests, which I had expected, and a spinal tap. That warned me that something more was going on, or could be. He also told us that until all his cultures came back they would admit Kyle to the hospital, this would be 48 hours.
I was not happy. His temp was normal at their exam and I did not want my son subjected to unnecessary procedures, ie; the spinal tap. I also did not want him on antibiotics, the reason for the admittance, unless there was something that indicated that there was reason. But the doctor was instant that this is how it's handled and while we could have taken him home AMA, I did not want to risk his health or a CPS visit.
So here we are in Children's. Thankfully this is one of the best hospitals for little ones in the US and the best in the midwest.
His blood tests so far look normal, his cell count in his spinal tap as well. So far there is nothing to indicate that he has an infection. However an early stain of his spinal fluid indicated a bacterial issue. The nurses assured us that could very well be because his skin infected the sample they stained and that this was only a first run test.
Sadly he's on three antibiotics, all administered via IV as well as a monitor to check his pulse and his blood ox. His poor little arm is immobilized and it's the one he likes to suck. It's hard to hold him with his tubes and wires. Also we've not gotten him to sleep at all in his crib and the hospital won't allow co-sleeping, not that we'd want to with his IV, and they really don't want to have him sleep in a bouncie.
Right now it's a waiting game. Hopefully once all his tests come back clear on Saturday they'll do a late (after 8) release so we can take him home. Otherwise we have to wait until Sunday morning.
I do have to say I'm not happy with the idea he's on all these antibiotics when other than a fever 13 or more hours ago nor am I happy that they are running such invasive tests on him. Also I feel as if the doctors aren't really hearing what I'm saying and just following the CYA procedures.
On the bright side, at the end of this if he actually sleeps in his crib well then I suppose all was not lost.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Swing time
He seems to like his swing. He naps well in it and doesn't fuss as much when he wakes up so I'll be using that more now.
We have a new nick name for him, Piglet. He's gained half and ounce and grown 2 inches since he was born. We're both proud of him now that he's developing a double chin and chubby arms. Sooner or later he'll be taller than his mommy. Well sooner given my short height.
Marble hates it when he cries. She looks over at me like with a look on her face as if she's trying to get me to fix him. Then it could be she just doesn't like the noise.
We have a new nick name for him, Piglet. He's gained half and ounce and grown 2 inches since he was born. We're both proud of him now that he's developing a double chin and chubby arms. Sooner or later he'll be taller than his mommy. Well sooner given my short height.
Marble hates it when he cries. She looks over at me like with a look on her face as if she's trying to get me to fix him. Then it could be she just doesn't like the noise.
Monday, March 24, 2008
A bulit in excuse
I have a built in excuse as to why I can't do something I don't want to do anyway or why my house isn't clean. His name is Kyle. "Oh I'm so sorry I can't come to your wine tasting and French movie showing but the baby is fussy." "Please excuse the dishes in the sink, the baby had a bad day." "Oh I'm sorry I'm still in my jammies but the baby was awake all afternoon." It's a little too easy to get used to being a slob.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The impossiable
My son has done the impossible.
Let me preface this by giving some background. Jason is a boy who's enamored with boy things. Bathroom things among them. He enjoys bragging about his poop. How regular he is and how good a nice poop makes him feel.
His son is his son. Today Jason was holding him and smiling and being all cute and daddy like then suddenly shouts "OH GOD!" It seems the child was taking a poop. And boy how did he. He went to town with a face all screwed up and his eyes pulled in tight. He went for a good 5 minutes.
Then Jason went to change him. I've never heard my husband yell that loud in my life. But it appears Kyle had filled his diaper with poop so foul that even Jason, who isn't the least bit bothered by poop, was shocked and amazed.
The boy can poop. And burp. I see some fun times come adolescence.
Let me preface this by giving some background. Jason is a boy who's enamored with boy things. Bathroom things among them. He enjoys bragging about his poop. How regular he is and how good a nice poop makes him feel.
His son is his son. Today Jason was holding him and smiling and being all cute and daddy like then suddenly shouts "OH GOD!" It seems the child was taking a poop. And boy how did he. He went to town with a face all screwed up and his eyes pulled in tight. He went for a good 5 minutes.
Then Jason went to change him. I've never heard my husband yell that loud in my life. But it appears Kyle had filled his diaper with poop so foul that even Jason, who isn't the least bit bothered by poop, was shocked and amazed.
The boy can poop. And burp. I see some fun times come adolescence.
The kitchen
I forgot to tell you all that on Sunday night I actually managed to cook dinner. Ok so Jason was taking care of Kyle when it happened but there was actually a modicum of a new routine coming out again. Right now I dearly crave some sort of none baby activity. Oh not that I don't enjoy taking care of my son because I do but I realize that it's been more than a week and frankly we can't keep running around doing nothing more than ordering dinner and bouncing a baby.
Tonight I plan on making a meal I've not had in ages. It's one from my child hood that I remember not only fondly but by drooling. It's a simple meal, one beef tenderloin marinated in egg, milk and garlic then dredged in flour with salt and pepper then Italian bread crumbs and then fried in some oil. But I remember it fondly because it was a special meal for us growing up. When money is tight hamburger is your main stay and so when we had a little extra or we had a special day, like a birthday, mom or dad would fry that up. We'd eat like cave men, meat only nothing else just fried meat. And it was good. I do plan on making some fries and green beans to go with our meal tonight but the memories of grabbing a piece of hot fried beef from a pan then cutting into it with no table manners at all lives strong in me.
My son is currently sleeping again after being awake for about 40 minutes and not needing any fussing. He was awake and wasn't hungry or fussing for a new diaper so we sang some Skynard, Simple Man and the Itsy Bitsy Spider then he drifted off to sleep again.
Besides not keeping a silent house, the second most given advice and advice I'd already known and had implemented in my hospital room, I will expose Kyle to music as much as I can. My parents were always having something on. And it was all different. Country, Blue Grass, Jazz, Rock, Top 40, Big Band. I grew up loving it all and that's a gift I want to give my son too.
Tonight I plan on making a meal I've not had in ages. It's one from my child hood that I remember not only fondly but by drooling. It's a simple meal, one beef tenderloin marinated in egg, milk and garlic then dredged in flour with salt and pepper then Italian bread crumbs and then fried in some oil. But I remember it fondly because it was a special meal for us growing up. When money is tight hamburger is your main stay and so when we had a little extra or we had a special day, like a birthday, mom or dad would fry that up. We'd eat like cave men, meat only nothing else just fried meat. And it was good. I do plan on making some fries and green beans to go with our meal tonight but the memories of grabbing a piece of hot fried beef from a pan then cutting into it with no table manners at all lives strong in me.
My son is currently sleeping again after being awake for about 40 minutes and not needing any fussing. He was awake and wasn't hungry or fussing for a new diaper so we sang some Skynard, Simple Man and the Itsy Bitsy Spider then he drifted off to sleep again.
Besides not keeping a silent house, the second most given advice and advice I'd already known and had implemented in my hospital room, I will expose Kyle to music as much as I can. My parents were always having something on. And it was all different. Country, Blue Grass, Jazz, Rock, Top 40, Big Band. I grew up loving it all and that's a gift I want to give my son too.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Most given advice
So far the most given advice I've gotten is sleep when he sleeps. Well meaning I'm sure but that's a lot harder to do than one would think.
During the night it's easy. You want to sleep at night. Of course the baby wants to check out the stars. The day time offers a different set of problems. Things need to be done during the day. Laundry, he's peed/pooped through many an outfit and blanket, your laundry too because again, the pee/poop thing. You also need to shower, eat and go to the bathroom yourself. Then there are the visitors. People want to come over and visit the baby, see the cute tiny new being. But when people are here you can't nap either. And they have a habit of staying long enough that the baby gets his nap then they flee as he wakes. You then go through the routine of a change and a bottle and hope he settles so you can maybe catch a cat nap. But by then you're hungry so you make a pizza and eat it then he wakes as you toss the last crust in the trash.
So sleeping while he sleeps is problematic at best, impossible at worst.
Speaking of laundry mine is currently in the washer. My breasts are leaking so I need to change my bra's fairly often. Also I made the mistake of taking my bra off while brushing my teeth. I'm standing there over the sink and there is this dripping on my foot. I look and I'm not drooling all over nor is the water on the floor yet I feel this dripping. Yeah, breast milk all over. So there was a pair of PJ's that ended up in the laundry basket totally separate from one of Kyle's accidents.
During the night it's easy. You want to sleep at night. Of course the baby wants to check out the stars. The day time offers a different set of problems. Things need to be done during the day. Laundry, he's peed/pooped through many an outfit and blanket, your laundry too because again, the pee/poop thing. You also need to shower, eat and go to the bathroom yourself. Then there are the visitors. People want to come over and visit the baby, see the cute tiny new being. But when people are here you can't nap either. And they have a habit of staying long enough that the baby gets his nap then they flee as he wakes. You then go through the routine of a change and a bottle and hope he settles so you can maybe catch a cat nap. But by then you're hungry so you make a pizza and eat it then he wakes as you toss the last crust in the trash.
So sleeping while he sleeps is problematic at best, impossible at worst.
Speaking of laundry mine is currently in the washer. My breasts are leaking so I need to change my bra's fairly often. Also I made the mistake of taking my bra off while brushing my teeth. I'm standing there over the sink and there is this dripping on my foot. I look and I'm not drooling all over nor is the water on the floor yet I feel this dripping. Yeah, breast milk all over. So there was a pair of PJ's that ended up in the laundry basket totally separate from one of Kyle's accidents.
Friday, March 14, 2008
The fist
When you are preparing for a new baby you get these little mittens. Tiny little things made to keep their sharp nails from cutting their skin as they toss their arms and hands around. These things never stay on. To me their worse than baby socks. At least those can get wrapped up tight so the only come some of the way off not all the way off. Those gloves though get knocked around and end up in a cats mouth.
Not only do the gloves come off they piss Kyle off. He's a sucker and he loves his fist. If he can't suck on his fist he gets mad then gives me a look like he's going to gum my eyes out then screams. So the mittens are off.
This means I'll have to be careful about keeping his nails blunt. I think the best advice I've gotten so far is don't try and cut the suckers. Use an emery board and file 'em down. In fact I think trying to cut a babies nails is about the most stupid thing I've heard of. I mean you have to keep them short but cutting them? Did the person who came up with that idea ever look at a babies hand?
Not only do the gloves come off they piss Kyle off. He's a sucker and he loves his fist. If he can't suck on his fist he gets mad then gives me a look like he's going to gum my eyes out then screams. So the mittens are off.
This means I'll have to be careful about keeping his nails blunt. I think the best advice I've gotten so far is don't try and cut the suckers. Use an emery board and file 'em down. In fact I think trying to cut a babies nails is about the most stupid thing I've heard of. I mean you have to keep them short but cutting them? Did the person who came up with that idea ever look at a babies hand?
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
The gore
Well I've been told the gory details are wanted so here we go.
Once the contractions got rolling it was probably the most pain I'd felt in my life until then. Most women told me contractions go from your pelvic bone to the top of your tummy and often through the back. Mine were not that at all. They were only in my lower belly and were 2 mins apart very quickly. Almost before I realized that this was labor I was on my side moaning and shaking. About 30 mins after that I began to vomit.
I spent 2 hours on my left side grunting and praying I wouldn't vomit again. Then the beautiful number 4 was said. I knew at 4cm they would give me the Epidural and I could end this pain. Yes the idea of something going in my spine weirded me out but at that moment if they said shooting my eye ball full of crack was how they did it I would have gone along with it.
I was pleasantly surprised that not only was the Doctor fast getting it done but there was NO PAIN. None. I got a shot of Novocaine then withing moments the drugs were in. Within 30 seconds I said "I finally feel human again." It was so fast that it almost didn't register it was done before the pain was gone. From there the next few hours were wonderful. Chatting dozing off...wonderful.
Then came pushing time. I admit right here right now I was not brave. I did not go into this part of bringing my son into the world calm. I screamed, I cried, I swore I couldn't do it. I wanted to give up. I hated every, single, second. In between contractions and pushing I laid on my side trying to not vomit. Except I did.
I vomited, I pooped myself, I'm sure I probably peeded too. I didn't care. All I could do was think about how miserable I was and how much I hated this. When my doctor got her scrubs on I knew we were in the home stretch. And I did get a bit of a new breath. I pushed harder even through the pain, even through the hate. All I cared was that it was almost done. And selfishly not because it would bring me my son but because it would bring me the end of the pain.
Then I felt his head, right at the opening of my vagina. He was there. It was almost done. They were counting then telling me to rest. FUCK THAT. I kept pushing. I pushed so hard he came out so fast my doctor couldn't turn his shoulders and he tore me. I didn't care.
I didn't care not because the pain was gone, not because it was over but because I saw his face. Between my knees, scrunched in anger, full of blood and wet but there he was. They put him on my chest and the only thing I could say was "Oh my God you are a beautiful baby."
There is no question in my mind he was worth it. Would I do it again? Most likely not. But if I went back in time to before there was a him but I knew what it would take to get him here I'd do it again in a heart beat.
He's worth every stitch, the hemorrhoid. He's worth the Bell's Palsy in my face, the blood pressure worries. There is something about giving birth but to me it's not the process of labor and delivery. It's that one moment you see the baby for the first time. There is no magic like that out there, no other moment in time, no other feeling.
Once the contractions got rolling it was probably the most pain I'd felt in my life until then. Most women told me contractions go from your pelvic bone to the top of your tummy and often through the back. Mine were not that at all. They were only in my lower belly and were 2 mins apart very quickly. Almost before I realized that this was labor I was on my side moaning and shaking. About 30 mins after that I began to vomit.
I spent 2 hours on my left side grunting and praying I wouldn't vomit again. Then the beautiful number 4 was said. I knew at 4cm they would give me the Epidural and I could end this pain. Yes the idea of something going in my spine weirded me out but at that moment if they said shooting my eye ball full of crack was how they did it I would have gone along with it.
I was pleasantly surprised that not only was the Doctor fast getting it done but there was NO PAIN. None. I got a shot of Novocaine then withing moments the drugs were in. Within 30 seconds I said "I finally feel human again." It was so fast that it almost didn't register it was done before the pain was gone. From there the next few hours were wonderful. Chatting dozing off...wonderful.
Then came pushing time. I admit right here right now I was not brave. I did not go into this part of bringing my son into the world calm. I screamed, I cried, I swore I couldn't do it. I wanted to give up. I hated every, single, second. In between contractions and pushing I laid on my side trying to not vomit. Except I did.
I vomited, I pooped myself, I'm sure I probably peeded too. I didn't care. All I could do was think about how miserable I was and how much I hated this. When my doctor got her scrubs on I knew we were in the home stretch. And I did get a bit of a new breath. I pushed harder even through the pain, even through the hate. All I cared was that it was almost done. And selfishly not because it would bring me my son but because it would bring me the end of the pain.
Then I felt his head, right at the opening of my vagina. He was there. It was almost done. They were counting then telling me to rest. FUCK THAT. I kept pushing. I pushed so hard he came out so fast my doctor couldn't turn his shoulders and he tore me. I didn't care.
I didn't care not because the pain was gone, not because it was over but because I saw his face. Between my knees, scrunched in anger, full of blood and wet but there he was. They put him on my chest and the only thing I could say was "Oh my God you are a beautiful baby."
There is no question in my mind he was worth it. Would I do it again? Most likely not. But if I went back in time to before there was a him but I knew what it would take to get him here I'd do it again in a heart beat.
He's worth every stitch, the hemorrhoid. He's worth the Bell's Palsy in my face, the blood pressure worries. There is something about giving birth but to me it's not the process of labor and delivery. It's that one moment you see the baby for the first time. There is no magic like that out there, no other moment in time, no other feeling.
Daddy's and babies
I hear often from other mom's (oh wow I can say that "Other mom's") that their husbands are either hopeless or unaware of the scope of baby and child care. The main complaint is that if they aren't handed answers they don't know how to cope. If you don't write them a map, change diaper, bottle, bounce, cuddle, rinse repeat then it becomes a hassle that ends up with a baby melt down.
I have to say I'm a very lucky women. Jason is very involved. He wants to change diapers, give bottles and hold Kyle. He's interested in daily care of him and not just the stereotypical daddy role of coming home from work and holding him for a bit then playing a video game. I'm totally blessed that his father was a complete and utter failure as not only a father but as a human. It's a very weird thing to say but because he was Jason's determined to be a good father. I told him today that he's not a good father because he wants to be, he's a good father because he is. You can't be something you aren't.
Sure there are things that come easier for me. I've been around babies and small children my whole life. Jason's learning the in's and out now. He also hates to hear his son cry and it distresses him. Me, while I don't like it, I know that he's going to cry when he gets changed or bathed or is hungry waiting for his bottle. Hell he's just going to fuss sometimes because it's all he knows to do. But he wades in and does what he can do and is learning tricks and his son.
I feel badly because as most 4 day old babies Kyle often wants familiar and that's mommy's smell and sound so sometimes it's just best for him to be with me. I feel bad because Jason not only doesn't get as much time with Kyle but because it feels like he's being relegated to clean up. Putting laundry away, dishes, grabbing things for me when my arms are full. It's not what I want for him as a parent so I keep saying to him to hold him, feed him, changed him ect. The hard part is not correcting him when I think he could do something better because my way isn't the only way and I want Jason to find his own father groove.
In other news my milk came in full on yesterday and today I'm happy that my breasts are already starting to hurt less. There was a short window of time where I debated expressing milk to supplement the formula but I realized that my reasons for bottle feeding haven't changed and are still as valid as they were before. Not only that but I'm now on several medications. While they are all listed as safe and I know they are I'm still not happy at the idea of putting medication into him if he doesn't have to have it, passive or not.
We hit some smallish milestones. I can now get him to nap in his bouncier. Tomorrow we may work on his bassinet here in the living room. The goal is to finally get him in his bedroom on his own. He can self comfort better today than he did on Monday when we got home but he still needs to fall asleep on me. Right now that's fine but we're going to try working on that over time.
I have to say I'm a very lucky women. Jason is very involved. He wants to change diapers, give bottles and hold Kyle. He's interested in daily care of him and not just the stereotypical daddy role of coming home from work and holding him for a bit then playing a video game. I'm totally blessed that his father was a complete and utter failure as not only a father but as a human. It's a very weird thing to say but because he was Jason's determined to be a good father. I told him today that he's not a good father because he wants to be, he's a good father because he is. You can't be something you aren't.
Sure there are things that come easier for me. I've been around babies and small children my whole life. Jason's learning the in's and out now. He also hates to hear his son cry and it distresses him. Me, while I don't like it, I know that he's going to cry when he gets changed or bathed or is hungry waiting for his bottle. Hell he's just going to fuss sometimes because it's all he knows to do. But he wades in and does what he can do and is learning tricks and his son.
I feel badly because as most 4 day old babies Kyle often wants familiar and that's mommy's smell and sound so sometimes it's just best for him to be with me. I feel bad because Jason not only doesn't get as much time with Kyle but because it feels like he's being relegated to clean up. Putting laundry away, dishes, grabbing things for me when my arms are full. It's not what I want for him as a parent so I keep saying to him to hold him, feed him, changed him ect. The hard part is not correcting him when I think he could do something better because my way isn't the only way and I want Jason to find his own father groove.
In other news my milk came in full on yesterday and today I'm happy that my breasts are already starting to hurt less. There was a short window of time where I debated expressing milk to supplement the formula but I realized that my reasons for bottle feeding haven't changed and are still as valid as they were before. Not only that but I'm now on several medications. While they are all listed as safe and I know they are I'm still not happy at the idea of putting medication into him if he doesn't have to have it, passive or not.
We hit some smallish milestones. I can now get him to nap in his bouncier. Tomorrow we may work on his bassinet here in the living room. The goal is to finally get him in his bedroom on his own. He can self comfort better today than he did on Monday when we got home but he still needs to fall asleep on me. Right now that's fine but we're going to try working on that over time.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
From the start
March 8th is when Jason and I got into the car and drove to the hospital. Though our whole pregnancy we'd thought it would be a rush through the night or maybe a day time snowstorm while I grunted in pain and swore Jason found every pot hole he could find. I'm sure most couples think that when they are told they are pregnant. It's part of the drill. Mom wakes up in the middle of the night going "It's time!" Then dad grabs the suitcase and runs out the door leaving mom behind.
Instead Kyle was being stubborn. He was down and my body was ready but he seemed to think mommy's body was the perfect place to be. So my doctor and I decided to induce. All I had to do was wait for the hospital to call and confirm they could take us and we'd have a nice quiet drive on in.
It was a strange drive. As we got onto the freeway we made some phone calls and then just sat. There wasn't this big thing in the air or this rush of excitement. It was like any other drive. Except we knew this was the last ride of just us. We'd never be just two again.
After we arrived we checked in and I was poked and stabbed and medicine was started. Family arrived and we figured he'd be there before the end of the day. Of course I always tend to throw a wrench in any plans that are made when it comes to my health.
The Pitocin ramped up very quickly. Within 2 hours I was vomiting from pain. All thoughts of breathing through the contractions and working up to the drugs before I was begging for them flew out of the window. Though I never actually got to beg. I couldn't put two words together much less say "Gimmie something NOW." The best I could do was a low groan to which a nurse just told me to breath through. I wanted to slap her. Finally my doctor called and they checked and I heard the magic number 4. I knew at 4 they'd give me drugs. And it was drugs I wanted.
Now let me say I'd always figured that the epidural would hurt it would just hurt less than the contractions. Dear people I have to inform you it doesn't hurt at all. Not at all. A prick for the Novocaine then nothing. Suddenly it's dear sweet thought. I could have gone for 8 hours like that. Happy, talking, munching on ice chips.
Of course I wanted the end to come. I wanted to meet my son, see his face. But man I knew what was coming next.
Look, I don't want to scare anyone who hasn't been there so I won't go into too many details. Let me just give the trite and true response of he's worth it. Any child is. I saw his face before they put him on my chest as the doctor pulled him out. I thought my heart would stop right there. It didn't of course but I will never forget that moment if I live to be 100.
Then after delivery we started having some problems. My blood pressure was high, very high. Then we noticed the right side of my face seemed to be a little droopy and off. I could tell that my nurse was worried I'd had a stroke.
I didn't but I did develop Bell's Palsy. My doctor feels it was a combination of having that virus that was floating around that I'd just started feeling better from and the violent vomiting that I'd done during delivery.
You know it's an odd feeling eating and drinking when the right side of your face can't completely get along with your left. Do you have any idea how many times you lick your lips when you eat? Try not doing it some time and let me know how that works for ya.
With my face and my blood pressure I earned a late release from the hospital. I spend another 4 and a half hours in the hospital room and I was not happy. They wanted to keep me longer but I may have stroked out at that point. Really stroked.
So that brings us to now. First night home was a first night home. He wasn't sure when to sleep so he didn't. In fact most of the day today he's not slept at all. Cat naps. For all of us. But I may have found a groove for him. Fall asleep on mommy/daddy move to seat/swing and don't startle. If we can get 3 hours in a stretch out of him tonight we'll all be happy and on the right track. Of course we are talking about a 4 day old baby so it's insane to really have hopes too high.
Instead Kyle was being stubborn. He was down and my body was ready but he seemed to think mommy's body was the perfect place to be. So my doctor and I decided to induce. All I had to do was wait for the hospital to call and confirm they could take us and we'd have a nice quiet drive on in.
It was a strange drive. As we got onto the freeway we made some phone calls and then just sat. There wasn't this big thing in the air or this rush of excitement. It was like any other drive. Except we knew this was the last ride of just us. We'd never be just two again.
After we arrived we checked in and I was poked and stabbed and medicine was started. Family arrived and we figured he'd be there before the end of the day. Of course I always tend to throw a wrench in any plans that are made when it comes to my health.
The Pitocin ramped up very quickly. Within 2 hours I was vomiting from pain. All thoughts of breathing through the contractions and working up to the drugs before I was begging for them flew out of the window. Though I never actually got to beg. I couldn't put two words together much less say "Gimmie something NOW." The best I could do was a low groan to which a nurse just told me to breath through. I wanted to slap her. Finally my doctor called and they checked and I heard the magic number 4. I knew at 4 they'd give me drugs. And it was drugs I wanted.
Now let me say I'd always figured that the epidural would hurt it would just hurt less than the contractions. Dear people I have to inform you it doesn't hurt at all. Not at all. A prick for the Novocaine then nothing. Suddenly it's dear sweet thought. I could have gone for 8 hours like that. Happy, talking, munching on ice chips.
Of course I wanted the end to come. I wanted to meet my son, see his face. But man I knew what was coming next.
Look, I don't want to scare anyone who hasn't been there so I won't go into too many details. Let me just give the trite and true response of he's worth it. Any child is. I saw his face before they put him on my chest as the doctor pulled him out. I thought my heart would stop right there. It didn't of course but I will never forget that moment if I live to be 100.
Then after delivery we started having some problems. My blood pressure was high, very high. Then we noticed the right side of my face seemed to be a little droopy and off. I could tell that my nurse was worried I'd had a stroke.
I didn't but I did develop Bell's Palsy. My doctor feels it was a combination of having that virus that was floating around that I'd just started feeling better from and the violent vomiting that I'd done during delivery.
You know it's an odd feeling eating and drinking when the right side of your face can't completely get along with your left. Do you have any idea how many times you lick your lips when you eat? Try not doing it some time and let me know how that works for ya.
With my face and my blood pressure I earned a late release from the hospital. I spend another 4 and a half hours in the hospital room and I was not happy. They wanted to keep me longer but I may have stroked out at that point. Really stroked.
So that brings us to now. First night home was a first night home. He wasn't sure when to sleep so he didn't. In fact most of the day today he's not slept at all. Cat naps. For all of us. But I may have found a groove for him. Fall asleep on mommy/daddy move to seat/swing and don't startle. If we can get 3 hours in a stretch out of him tonight we'll all be happy and on the right track. Of course we are talking about a 4 day old baby so it's insane to really have hopes too high.
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